i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
