No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
