I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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