The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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