My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
