Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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