Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
