Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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