I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Pooping to opera.
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