Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize