people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
3pm strippers are depressing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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