I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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