her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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