I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found the puke drawer
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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