I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
