I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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