woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
