yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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