hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
