Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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