we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
