I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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