I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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