i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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