How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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