she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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