using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
