When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
