She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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