My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize