I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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