I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
