I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
