i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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