My sheets look like a crime scene.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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