I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
