I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
