Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
