Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
