That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
