She is in my trunk
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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