I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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