can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
