Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
