So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize