What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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