So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
