I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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