I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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