My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
