i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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