Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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