Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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