My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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