You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
