I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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