I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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