Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sober January is a disaster.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
