I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
