O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
