dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
