i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
