I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
