Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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