I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize