he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
