can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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