Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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