Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Quick, to the slutcave!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
